


You and Me Ain't Movie Stars

by Lyra_Kero



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: And in love, Fluff, Funny (I hope), M/M, Neon Colored Condoms, Silly, Smut, They're a mess, Why Did I Write This?, laughing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 14:31:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13148652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyra_Kero/pseuds/Lyra_Kero
Summary: "The only dicking going on is you dicking around."---Lance and Keith had come home with promises of naughty activities, but sometimes things don't quite work out.Sometimes those are the best times.





	You and Me Ain't Movie Stars

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this as a way to try and will myself to write something I wasn't comfortable with. I never actually intended to post it.  
> But the more I looked over it and tweaked it the more I actually felt happy and proud of it.  
> So uh...  
> Take some fluff smut? (is it really smut? idk)
> 
> Title is from You and Me by Alice Cooper

“Ah! L-Lance!”

Keith’s prone body squirmed under his boyfriend, his breath coming out in short gasps, hands grabbing at his shoulders. His cheeks were flushed pink and tears were already spilling down his aching face. “Sto-- Stop! I-I can’t… I can’t… fuck…” his legs kicked out as another breath of air was punched out of him, along with another weak laugh.

Lance, beautiful stupid Lance, had gone from smoothing his hands along pale skin, teasing and loving, to digging his fingers into Keith’s sides. A stupid grin on his stupid, perfect face as he held his boyfriend down.

“ _I can’t fucking breathe!!_ ”

 

Two things happened then: the first, Keith’s body had squirmed away from Lance’s hands into a position where in kicking his foot out it connected with Lance’s chin. The other was Keith fell promptly out of bed, hitting his head on the bedside table on his way down. 

“Fuck!”  
“Shit!”

 

Lance groaned, his hands coming towards his mouth as his body double over, Keith rolling onto his side to hold his head while trying to gasp in air from the not-sexy tickle attack. He opened his eyes, moving his head to look up towards his boyfriend, “Are you okay?”  
The taller man groaned, moving his hands from his mouth, running a tongue along his lower lip. “Yep. I’m bleeding.”  
“Shit, I’m sorry.” Keith moved trying to sit up, grabbing onto the sheets to hoist himself into a standing position. “Let me see.”

“Dude I’m fine.” Lance grinned, but let his boyfriend look at his busted lip regardless.  
“Why the hell were you tickling me?” came Keith’s response, his eyes narrowed as he pouted.

“Why not?” Lance grinned, ignoring the pain from his lip, “You looked stressed. I had to do something to unwind you.”  
“That’s what the sex was supposed to do!” the other man said, still grinning, and shoved the brunet. “How do you seriously go from I’m-going-to-make-my-boyfriend-feel-good to I’m-going-to-tickle-him-senseless?”  
“It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Keith groaned sitting back down on the bed, moving the abandoned bottle of lube out of his way, rubbing at his cheeks. “God you’re impossible.” He closed his eyes, leaning back against the headboard. He felt the bed dip slightly and smiled when he felt a warm kiss pressed against his neck, Lance beginning to trail his open mouth along every bit of flesh he could find.  
That was more like it.

He relaxed, feeling himself sink into the bed once more as Lance ran his hands along his body once more, no longer being an asshole about touching his sides (even if Keith’s body tensed slightly as a reflex at first), and moaned when he felt a tongue tease against one of his nipples. His hands came up, running through thick, brown hair as Lance gave some much needed attention to his boyfriend, breathing and scraping his teeth against the, now erect, nub. The dark haired man leaned his head back, feeling his breath pick up as Lance began to kiss his way to the other side of his chest.

And sneezed.

Both men tensed, before dissolving into laughter, Lance burying his face into his boyfriend’s chest as Keith tried to push him off. “Get off me! You couldn’t have turned your head?”  
“It was sudden!” Lance argued, wrapping his arms around Keith’s middle, refusing to pull away.  
“You could have tried!” Keith finally got Lance to move his head enough to start wiping at his chest with the sheets. “God this night is turning out to be a mess.”  
“Who knew it was this hard to get a good dicking.” Lance was met with a pillow shoved at his face.  
“The only dicking going on is you dicking around.”

 

Once more the giggles subsided, Lance having found a way to wrap his arms back around his boyfriend and the two began to lazily make out. His hand slipped lower, brushing down towards Keith’s, now half, hard cock and began to stroke it, pulling a weak moan from the shorter man. The two moved, Keith managing to straddle Lance’s hips, the tanned hand never once stopping it’s motion, and reached out for the lube, frowning when he had to stretch to reach it. “Who the fuck put the lube so far away?”  
“You’re the one who moved it, babe.” Lance said, moving his hips up, grinding against his boyfriend. The startled gasp and the feel of nails digging into his shoulder was worth it. “Want me to loosen you up?”

“Last time I let you do that,” Keith said, finally managing to grab the bottle and opened it, “you grabbed the tube of IcyHot instead.”  
“They were very close to each other and the room was dark.”  
“My ass burned for fucking hours afterwards!” Lance laughed, easily pushing away Keith’s arm when the other man began to swat at him. “It’s not funny, Lance!” When his boyfriend continued to laugh Keith reached for one of the pillows and smacked Lance again. With a squak of indignation, the taller man grabbed another pillow and retaliated. The two rolled around in bed, swatting each other with pillows and laughing until Keith managed to roll back on top of Lance, pinning him down.

“Okay okay, sorry!” the taller man smiled up to his boyfriend, carefully going back to stroking him as Keith reached for the lube once more, squeezing some onto his fingers. Once he was sure he had enough he reached behind him, slowly sliding a finger inside of himself. Lance smiled more, watching his boyfriend’s breath hitch. “God you’re fucking beautiful.”  
“Flattery isn’t going to get me loose faster.” Even though Keith was already trying to ease a second finger inside himself.  
“Doesn’t stop you from being the most gorgeous fucking guy ever.”

 

Lance switched the hands that were on his boyfriend, reaching over to the bedside table and started to rifle through the drawer. He frowned, leaning over to get a better look, shoving aside a few things. “Babe?” there was a choked out whine in response, “Where are the condoms?”

That stopped Keith. “W..w-what?” his eyes narrowed as he looked over to his boyfriend. “You… you said you had that covered t-tonight.”  
Oh. Right. Lance had the condoms. He put them in his pocket before they went out on their date. The taller man looked around the bedroom before the problem became apparent.  
“They’re in my clothes.”  
“ _Are you fucking serious right now?_ ”

 

They spent five minutes scrambling out of bed and searching through Keith’s apartment, picking up every bit of clothing they found as they followed the trail back to the front door, pulling out pockets for the condoms. “Lance, where the fuck is your jacket?”  
“I don’t know!” the man in question groaned, throwing his shirt back on the ground in disgust. “All I remember when we got home was you jumping on me and tearing my clothes off like it was the end of the world.”  
“Well your jacket would have been the first thing to come off.” Keith grumbled, rubbing his face. Why was it so hard to fuck? They never had this problem before. Maybe a witch cursed them or something. He leaned his head back in exasperation before he gave out a breathy laugh. “Lance.”  
“What?”

 

There on the ceiling fan hung Lance’s jacket, perfectly draped over a fan blade like that was where it belonged. “How the fuck did you throw it up there?”  
“I don’t know!”

 

They both began jumping, which was hilarious to have two grown men buck-naked trying to reach the ceiling fan so they both wound up giggling at how ridiculous they were, before Lance managed to climb onto a chair and pull his jacket down, holding up the box of condoms once he fished it out of his pocket like it was a gold medal. “Ta-dah!” he said, bowing, “And now for my next trick, I’ll make one lucky rubber disappear!”  
“Get your flat ass back in that bedroom.” Keith said, laughing as he shoved his boyfriend back down the hallway.

 

Finally the two had managed to get through foreplay. Keith was stretched and laid back underneath his boyfriend, Lance was erect and tearing open a wrapper. There was a pause once he got it on, however.  
“Lance.”  
“I swear I thought the box was joking.” the taller man said, looking down to his cock, covered in a neon blue condom. “Like, they were just coloring them to make them look pretty?” It would explain the laughter from the clerk, though.  
“Why do they need to be colored?” Keith began to laugh, his body shaking as he covered his face.  
“So you can taste the rainbow?” Lance offered, grinning more when Keith snorted, his body still shaking with laughter even as his boyfriend slid his colorful dick inside of him. The two waited, both breathless with laughter as they tried to calm down. When Lance started to move, it felt like everything was right with the world. Keith’s legs wrapped around Lance’s hips as he clutched the pillow under his head. He moaned and gasped, and glared when Lance began to laugh once more. “I’m sorry! It’s… it’s just _blue_!”  
“Lance!” Keith said, squeezing his legs tighter around his boyfriend, trying to fight back his own smile. “It could be fucking pink and I’d still want you to fuck me.”  
“Good, because I think that color is in the box too.” Nope. They were both laughing now, even as Lance’s hips kept rocking into his boyfriend, Keith’s moans still weren’t enough to stop him from smiling and laughing. Lance lowered his head, kissing along his neck. “Could be worse. Could be green.” he said, and Keith moved to grab onto his shoulders when Lance angled himself enough to hit his prostate, pulling a louder moan from the shorter man, “Then you’d just be having sex with Kermit the Frog.”  
“L-La- _ah_ -ance!” Keith squealed, dragging his nails into his boyfriend’s shoulders as he began to hiccup out his laughter. However somewhere between the laughing and the moaning Keith’s nose scrunched up.

And Keith sneezed. A small, kitten sneeze.

And that was just the end of it. Both men had fallen into laughing, Lance hunched over his boyfriend as his shoulders shook. “I felt you sneeze!” he said, grinning more as he willed his hips to move, determined to finish their love making. But now all bets were off. He kissed his boyfriend’s neck, before blowing a raspberry against his skin, causing Keith to squeal and kick his legs in protest.  
“You _dick_!” he pushed back the taller man, his face red from laughing and stuck out his tongue. And Lance made a face right back at him, crossing his eyes the best he could.

Laughter and moaning filled the bedroom, and before much longer both had came, clinging to one another as they laughed, earlier words and whispers of dirty things long forgotten.

 

It was probably the best sex either of them had had.

 

“Hey, Lance.” Keith stared at the box on the bedside table.  
“Mm?”  
“This box says the condoms glow in the dark.”  
Below him, Lance shifted, turning to look at the box as well.  
“Does this mean we can have a lightsaber fight?”


End file.
